DARCY V. VAMPIRE BILL

Chops- Check

Breeches-Check

Moodiness- Check

Giant house in need of a woman's touch- CHECK CHECK

Affection for bossy, virginal country girls complete with live-in mother figure dying to marry them off--Check, check-ity, check check check

Take yourself back in time to season 1--if you still can.  When William T. Compton first cuts through the crowd at Merlotte's like a big, rude knife, plonks in a booth and orders him-pasty-self a TrueBlood , the script may as well have read:  been at fangin' out at the Meryton Assembly refusing to dance in an assembly such as this.  It is, after all, insupportable. We'd all rather they didn't stand around "in this stupid manner" but what's to be done?  Nothing, we've just got to simmer down, put hot sauce on our po'boys and wait for the plot to thicken. 

PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS:

DARCY: Will totally leave you hanging when you're lost for words at Rosings and spends acts 1&2 oblivious to the fact that your sister's misery is a drag for you, too.  But, will comb God's green earth  to save a different sister from Wickham and weenie to preserve your good name and secure your chances of making a good match (with him).

VAMPIRE BILL: Bit of a stalker really, makes up for it in other ways. Mind meld.  Vamp speed. And, won't let no one mess with you no how.  Drug dealers? he's kickin their ass in the parking lot.  Murderers?  He'll "go to ground" near your house to watch over you and brave burning in the sun to save you from the one chasing you into the graveyard. Eric Northman? well, not really much he can do about you in season one, sheriff, but he doesn't take kindly to your eyeballing his woman.  In the aptitude test of your choice he scores higher in protective instincts than that kid in "The Blind Side".   

FASHION SENSE: 

DARCY: Has never even heard of a "members only" jacket, more less a track suit.  Dresses to thrill in his Top hat and duster jacket (would love to borrow jacket btw--leave boyfriend jeans for the other girls)

VAMPIRE BILL: Has a frikkin "members only" jacket for every day of the week.  But fills out a polo rather nicely. 

TUB TIME: 

DARCY: 

VAMPIRE BILL: 

BONUS POINTS BILL for not shaving your chest.   Well done.

  

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL: 

DARCY: Takes more than one "go" at this and won't give up 'till he gets his girl.  He'll do whatever it takes, including fighting his own common sense to marry up.

VAMPIRE BILL: Sends you a dress. (boo!) Rents out a restaurant. (cheer!) Swingdances (meh, you've got too much dance space and you're all elbows--stop by Lee's Liquor Lounge on a Wednesday night, I'll get you storted out) and then when he finally gets a "yes" (pardon a girl for needing a moment to fang out with her new diamond in the ladies) he uses a little silver, a few werewolves and almost killing you in the back of Alcide's van as an excuse to be all "um...this never happened, okay".  

BRITISH ACCENT: 

DARCY: ALL DAY LONG.

VAMPIRE BILL:  Here, Sawyer goes for Moyer.  Serious. VB, you've got what mamma wants.  Why won't you give it up now and then?  Your southern accent is like nails on a chalkboard--why you use it instead of revealing yourself as the tasty Brit you are, I just can't fathom. This is a bigger fail than the marriage proposal.   

SURPRISE TALLY: 

DARCY: 420,568,600

VAMPIRE BILL: 468,600

BILL BITES.  DARCY DELIGHTS!

EVERYONE'S ON FACEBOOK

First it was my editor, then my friends, then me, then mom and now....FWD!

CHECK IT!

Stand by your man....

What's a dark, dreamy hero with stunted social skills without a diminuitive, slightly fey sidekick sporting asymetric blonde swoopy bangs? We don't know. What we do know is that without the sunny object of man love Darcy - and Rudolph- wouldn't be appreciated as the emo hunks of burning mope that they really are. So here's a little shout out to the man behind the mope---keep doing what you do and rock those swoopy bangs!

Darcy needs him a swoopy-banged man because when at a dance. He acts like THIS:


Advice from Babes: FWD when you're at a ball, and you can't recommend yourself to strangers, and you are in no humor to give consequence to ladies who've been slighted by other men...don't just stand there in what your swoopy-banged compadre would call "this stupid manner."  he's right: we'd much better have you dance.  So give Hermey- we mean Bingley- a break. Do what the nice men in this video tell you.

I'll be waiting.

Merry Christmas All

Darcy v. Hipsters

Gentle readers, I submit for your consideration a short list of things that hipster fashion has tried to replicate, but that fail miserably to make today’s men as delicious as Darcy.

Skinny Pants

Darcy: Darcy’s thighs are like Christmas hams. Delicious Christmas hams. (Or large, holiday-appropriate kosher meat products of your choosing.) I’ll bet he could scissor a hippo in half with those suckers. And his calves? Don’t get me started. In short, skinny pants only serve to accentuate his manliness.

Hipster: Sticks in a tube. That’s what your legs look like. Knobby little sticks in a tube. Ugh. And why are you wearing them sagged? You look like an old man in long johns.

Popped Collars

Darcy: Behold the way the upright collar frames and enhances the sinews of his masculine neck! Mind you, the only reason his collar works is because it’s designed that way. It’s not like it came folded down and he popped it up in an effort to…what, make himself look bigger so he can scare away other men trying to vie for a woman’s attention?

Hipster: No, seriously. Put your collar down. Trust me, it looks stupid. Put it down, or it’s not the only thing around here that’s going to get popped. I’m not kidding.

Longish, Tousled Hair

Darcy: The tousling makes one want to smooth his curly locks. With one’s fingers. Just run them through a little bit to… hold still, now. There. Um, as long as I’m over here with my hands in your hair, you wanna make out or something? Hey, me too!

Hipster: Let’s talk about that thing you’re doing to your head. It’s an insult to both of us. I can’t determine your gender without seeing you naked, and I’m about 99% sure it’s not worth the effort (see also: skinny pants).

No offense to fashion designers trying to make a buck off of impressionable youth, but you just can't improve upon perfection. Or try to replicate it in a totally different era. The Babes in Pemberly Woods want to know: In what other ways was the Fashion of Darcy superior to comparable "modern" styles?

Maureen Dowd gets it....Obama v. Darcy

Maureen Dowd gets it.

DARCY NIPPLE VIEW!

Colin Firth hasn't given Gwyn Cready a cover blurb yet---but I will. Seducing Mr. Darcy is hot, adorable, and irresistable. Rip it's wet, white shirt off and have your way with it by the pond out front of Pemberly.

Reminds us a bit of Thursday Next's plotline---which we've loved for years. But is still a great read!
Take a peek: see how Flip meets Darcy. Then go out and buy the book!